The Courtroom Circus, the Peptides, and the Rope Out of the Pit
Tomorrow is a heavy day. The man who murdered my son is going to court to be sentenced—not for Cash's murder yet, but for assaulting four officers while in jail. He should get five years for each officer. An absolute array of emotions wash over me as the hours tick down. You would think that seeing him face consequences would bring some semblance of control or peace, a feeling that justice is finally starting to be served.
But I have decided to walk into that courtroom with zero expectations. I have no opinion to offer. This entire process has been a circus from the very beginning. I have learned the hard way that seeking peace from a legal system will leave you empty; I just need to trust God.
As I navigate this current season of grief, I often refer to it as "the pit." I experienced a different pit years ago—a devastating, six-month downward spiral that nearly left me crippled. Now, I am fighting out of the pit of losing my only son. It takes work every single day not to make a home in the darkness, because pain can become deeply addictive. The further you go down, the harder it is to climb out. I am doing everything I can to take care of my physical vessel: avoiding sugar, fasting, cutting carbs, running two miles over the bridge, doing yoga, and even utilizing healing peptides like TB-500 and BPC-157. But I've had to come to a sobering realization about my own strength.
Today's SOAP
S - Scripture
Jeremiah 48:43-44 (NIV): "Terror and pit and snare await you, you people of Moab,' declares the LORD. 'Whoever flees from the terror will fall into a pit, whoever climbs out of the pit will be caught in a snare; for I will bring on Moab the year of her punishment,' declares the LORD."
Psalm 28:1 (NIV): "To you, LORD, I call; you are my Rock, do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who go down to the pit."
O - Observation
In today's reading, Jeremiah describes the inescapable judgment of the wicked nation of Moab. For the prideful and unrepentant, there is no escape—if they manage to climb out of the pit, a snare is waiting for them. But David gives us the contrast for the believer in Psalm 28. He acknowledges that without the Lord's intervention, he is as good as dead in the pit. He doesn't rely on his own strength; he cries out to God as his Rock.
A - Application
I had to check my own theology today. I was looking at my strict diet, my morning runs, and my peptide protocols as the "rope" I was using to climb out of the pit of grief. But those things are just physical stewardship. My body is a temple, and I will maintain it rigorously. But peptides and yoga do not heal a shattered soul. I cannot bio-hack my way out of the pit of grief. Only God can pull me out. Grabbing the rope isn't about perfectly executing a daily routine; it is about absolute, helpless surrender to Jesus Christ. And unlike the wicked of Moab who escape the pit only to hit a snare, when my God pulls me out of the pit, He promises to set my feet securely on a rock. I will steward my body, but I will trust only the Lord for my deliverance.
P - Prayer
Heavenly Father, as I face the courtroom tomorrow, guard my heart against the circus. Give me a supernatural peace that requires zero expectations from the world's justice system. Thank You for the wisdom to steward my physical health, but forgive me when I confuse my discipline with Your deliverance. You are my only Rock. Pull me from the pit of grief, keep my feet from the snares of the enemy, and hold me securely in Your hand. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Today's Challenge:
Evaluate your own life today: Are you confusing physical or mental self-help with spiritual salvation? Identify one area where you are trying to "bio-hack," out-work, or out-plan a spiritual struggle. Put down your own tools today, get on your knees, and ask God to be the one who pulls you out.
